I don't think I can stand your presence, although you've worked for me and my happiness for years, but I can't take it when you're drunk, I can't take it when you scream, just that brings tears to my eyes.
Uhm yeah, I think my dad does have some serious problems, I don't think I can tell anyone about it though, Because we need to get residence in New Zealand, If we don't, then we'd get sent back to South Africa.... I want that, but then I don't. Its a real complicated situation.
It's all because...of the way he loves my older sister, who has a baby of 2 months old. She's been rebellious towards my parents since the age of 13 and shes 19 now. When she'd do something wrong, seriously wrong, my dad he gets so upset and angry, he used to belt her. She'd scream so loud, I'd cry for hours, just for her. I don't know why. Now recently since she found out she was pregnant she came to live with us. She's having problems with her boyfriend, her boyfriend hits her, for stupid reasons.
One night I was in my room sleeping it was about 4am in the morning. Suddenly I hear my sister screaming. And then I hear her boyfriend opening the front door and his screaming "you're not taking him from me" my little nephew crying. It's like storming outside, wind and rain. I'm thinking oh please God, help this man, just let my nephew be okay. I hear my sister crying and screaming at her boyfriend. By now I figured that he locked himself and the baby in his car. I hear my mother and my sister banging on the door, I was just in my room, crying, I don't know why. My dad rings the police. And ironically they send over this policeman, thats really against foreigners, the way he talks, it was like he was thinking my dad was as daft as a log. Anyway all of this that happened resulted to a major breakout with my father and sister, I don't know who I dislike more, I love them both so much, but they both seem to be the ones who makes my life so miserable.
And my mother, I cry for her, she's such a good person. And the best mother. She has to put up with all this, poor woman, I always try my best to be good for her. Sometimes I'm not. I wish I could give her the world. She does everything for me, and there's not one thing she'd never do for me. She's calm through everything, and keeps telling my dad to calm down and that its over, he gets mad and tells her to shut the fuck up. I love my mother, and my father...
I'm so sorry to say that I love my mother more. I would do anything for her. I mean her aunty died a few days ago, her funeral was today, My mother couldn't even go, cause she'd have to fly all the way to South Africa. Aunty Kay <33 RIP...
I miss my family, I miss my real fucking friends. I miss Dru, I miss everyone so much, its draining me, I don't know whats real and whats not. I'm asking God to help me....I don't.. know what to do.
I think I'm done, to anyone who even took the time to read that, Thanks.
Lindsay,I miss you. so much you'll never know. just how much. So much it hurts to remember you. I can't be with you. I can't talk to you. You're stuck like a leech in my mind, sucking all the poison out.