} table { border: 4px double #000000; } table table { border: 2px double ##FF0000; } body, td, font, div, p { font-family: "Tahoma" font-size: 10pt;} } table table { border: 0; } } body,td,p { cursor: crosshair; } a:hover { cursor:sw-resize; } /* change these numbers, must add up to 100% or less*/ table { width: 45%; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 60%; } /* do NOT change these numbers */ table table { width: auto; margin:0; } table table table { width: 0; } body { background-image: url( http://pictureposter.allbrand.nu/pictures/tornuploveletters/killinheidi.jpg ) !important; background-attachment: fixed !important; } // **maybe i should hate you for this

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// **maybe i should hate you for this [entries|friends|calendar]
You said you like to hear the rain sometimes

[ website | xo.black-lipstick-stain-on-your-shirt.ox ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

-=[it's...okay]=- [Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
@ 5:27pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I love my new layout it simply rocks my faerie rainbow socks!!!! And KILLING HEIDI is awesome Elle is so pretty [gurl on my layout] and her voice is like WOAH! =-D

So uhmm... I'm crushing over Daniel, which is really really pathetic but I really can't help it, it's just something about bad guys that attracts me so much. Eek, I'm a freakin loser like that. =-|

Haven't updated in ages, well -sigh- it's not like anyone reads this anymore =-/

6 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[i'm feelin this!]=- [Friday, February 27th, 2004
@ 10:37pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Drama camp was the bomb. Daniel, you rock my socks dude <3
=D - "i'm feelin this" was our quote for the last 3 days.
I couldn't sleep because of a random "ghhhhrrrrrrr" coming from someone *cough*Dan*cough*. It wasn't exactly a snore, I guess it was the remix of a snore. Heh.

So yeah I haven't updated this load of crap for sometime now, I don't know why... Hmmm not like I have a busy life, probably just because I don't normally feel like writing my emotions in words, I find it hard, but when it finally comes out it's really not that bad aye.

I'm not happy with my layout yet, I don't know, I'm looking for something in particular. And I don't know what it is so lets just watch and see what happens from here.
I miss you soooooo much Dru and love you with all my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~take this pain from me

-=[Er..]=- [Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
@ 1:19am]
[ mood | quixotic ]

I'm feeling very random tonight, who's feeling random with me??? (',')


obviously.... *slaps head*

1 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[Anti - Inspiration]=- [Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
@ 4:18pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Right m'peaches, this is a poem/song/thingie I wrote, not that anyone would, but yeah I would prefer if you didn't take any piece of this writing credited as your own, just the way things go eh? anyway, you can comment though, you can say it sucks so much that it makes you wanna throw your slippers at the wall, fine, I do not care. Or...**smiles** you can give credit where its due ;). Make the right choice =)

Autumn Leaves, Summer breeze.

I just don't know,
How much you care.
And theres no where to go
Tell me who will be there
So many endless crying
So many wishes of dying
This is not what life is about
Makes me want to scream
Makes me want to shout.
You don't know what its like
It's a war against the mirror
and I don't want to fight.
I don't know what it is
Thats pulling me away
Why can't you hear me..
When I say

I need to have hope
I don't think I can cope
Take me away, so far away
I need to find a better day

I'm so tired of being
let down
While i'm sitting in my room
And feel the world
spin around.
Autumn leaves fall
I wonder if winter
will ever come at all
They only see what
they wanna see
Why won't you hear me?

~take this pain from me

-=[Rain or Tears I'm fucking soaked]=- [Monday, February 16th, 2004
@ 3:50pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Right, so I get up really early to go to anti-school. "anti-school" because it's not a school where you go to learn [smoke weed maybe] but yeah.
I catch the bus at my little brothers school at 8:30am I'm there around about 8:25, sometimes I arrive at about 8:20. So I'm waiting outside in the sodding rain the wind is blowing like no tomorrow, I almost fell straight into a puddle. I'm waiting...getting soaked like fuck. School starts at 8:40am. It's 8:45am and I'm like eerr.. okay, where the hell is the bus, for fucks sake

I walk back home I get at home I explain to mum
Me: The bus didn't turn up....and I'm soaked
Mum: and now? why didn't you walk?
Me: would you walk for 20 mins in the rain? besides school already started
Mum: And now? you gonna stay at home cause its raining??!!
Me: er.. yeah. I can't walk, Look at me I'm soaked Ma!!!
Mum: Go put on some dry clothes and walk now... you can't stay at home, i can't help it that is raining and you missed the bus.
Me:I didn't miss the bus I was there on time. I'm soaked ..
This went on for I don't know how long. I was getting so angry I wanted to scream at her. But I didn't instead I came to the dinning room soaking wet and started to cry...I took off my skirt and jersey and cried some more, maybe because I was hurt or something, That my mother didn't even care, Maybe I should've walked to school with the rain pouring down and catch a hell of a cold and die. That would have showed her. Grrrr. Anyway so I'm wiping my nose and my nose ring comes out [fucking ouch]. So I had to put it back in I just pushed it as hard as I can, nothing can hurt me as much as my mother did just now.

So here I am at home now. Miserable as fook, I should've just gone to school, So many things has changed since the little incident of my sister and my father plus her bf. This house is dull, literally dull. And I'm so ungrateful. I should be hanged.

2 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[Sorrowful]=- [Sunday, February 15th, 2004
@ 2:47pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

~take this pain from me

-[[the violence causes silence]]- [Sunday, February 15th, 2004
@ 12:44am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I don't think I can stand your presence, although you've worked for me and my happiness for years, but I can't take it when you're drunk, I can't take it when you scream, just that brings tears to my eyes.

Uhm yeah, I think my dad does have some serious problems, I don't think I can tell anyone about it though, Because we need to get residence in New Zealand, If we don't, then we'd get sent back to South Africa.... I want that, but then I don't. Its a real complicated situation.

It's all because...of the way he loves my older sister, who has a baby of 2 months old. She's been rebellious towards my parents since the age of 13 and shes 19 now. When she'd do something wrong, seriously wrong, my dad he gets so upset and angry, he used to belt her. She'd scream so loud, I'd cry for hours, just for her. I don't know why. Now recently since she found out she was pregnant she came to live with us. She's having problems with her boyfriend, her boyfriend hits her, for stupid reasons.

One night I was in my room sleeping it was about 4am in the morning. Suddenly I hear my sister screaming. And then I hear her boyfriend opening the front door and his screaming "you're not taking him from me" my little nephew crying. It's like storming outside, wind and rain. I'm thinking oh please God, help this man, just let my nephew be okay. I hear my sister crying and screaming at her boyfriend. By now I figured that he locked himself and the baby in his car. I hear my mother and my sister banging on the door, I was just in my room, crying, I don't know why. My dad rings the police. And ironically they send over this policeman, thats really against foreigners, the way he talks, it was like he was thinking my dad was as daft as a log. Anyway all of this that happened resulted to a major breakout with my father and sister, I don't know who I dislike more, I love them both so much, but they both seem to be the ones who makes my life so miserable.

And my mother, I cry for her, she's such a good person. And the best mother. She has to put up with all this, poor woman, I always try my best to be good for her. Sometimes I'm not. I wish I could give her the world. She does everything for me, and there's not one thing she'd never do for me. She's calm through everything, and keeps telling my dad to calm down and that its over, he gets mad and tells her to shut the fuck up. I love my mother, and my father...
I'm so sorry to say that I love my mother more. I would do anything for her. I mean her aunty died a few days ago, her funeral was today, My mother couldn't even go, cause she'd have to fly all the way to South Africa. Aunty Kay <33 RIP...

I miss my family, I miss my real fucking friends. I miss Dru, I miss everyone so much, its draining me, I don't know whats real and whats not. I'm asking God to help me....I don't.. know what to do.

I think I'm done, to anyone who even took the time to read that, Thanks.

Lindsay,I miss you. so much you'll never know. just how much. So much it hurts to remember you. I can't be with you. I can't talk to you. You're stuck like a leech in my mind, sucking all the poison out.

4 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

// the signs are reading overtime. [Friday, February 13th, 2004
@ 6:22pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

School wasn't too bad. I'm thinking of doing Killing Heidi - Unrequited Love Song for my solo performance. And Avril Lavigne - Why would be my next choice, Hey I can't help it if I can only sing crap music. The Killing Heidi one would be cool. But then again, not alot of people at my school listen to that sort of music, so they will definately think I suck. Oh well

Heeeyyy, I messed around some more with my journal. I love it now! I drew that layout picture myself. I'm still trying to figure out how to change the links of User Info, Calendar and that, I heard its pretty complicated, And I tried to do it, but it keeps taking ALL my entries away! Grrrnesssism! If anyone, and I mean anyone, even if your a wabbit with pink ears, tell me how to do it, I'll love you forever and ever. What!

Gundy came and brought all my music I lost, a night ago. I was so happy I jumped on him and hugged him for ages. Because me loves me music. Anyway I thought he was being a "massive dong" for not bringing it back for ages. So yeah that was a happyism moment!

What! I update my userinfo, have a look m'dearies


3 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

weee ooo weee ooo New Layout Alert [Thursday, February 12th, 2004
@ 7:55pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

This is miiiiiiiiine. I'm talking to Davey *blows kisses*. His one of my bestest friends online, and I've known him for ages.

Anyway new layout, post whatever you like.

1 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-|[Okaaay]|- [Thursday, February 12th, 2004
@ 4:43pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I don't like this layout anymore.
Hmmm... I will change it, when I'm bothered.

I don't like guitar dude anymore, his such an arsehole. I hate ppl like him. Just shows you how looks can deceive.
I'm not gonna be in our school band
I'm going solo [weeeee go me! gr NOT] i bet you i'm gonna suck, but hey its for credits so i might as well make a fool of myself for a price of that.

Jules, come back =( i miss youuu. but then again I'm happy for her, she's moving back to the place where she spent her whole life. I'm so happy for her, but then again i didn't even say good bye to her. SO i'm helping Jodie spam her LJ! weee go us \m/.

So yeah, I have maths homework, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr [mega grrrrrr]

I could go to this party this weekend, i really wanna go to but er...no one will drive me..okaaay...fiiine.
grr once again.

No, i'm not related to a tiger by the way.

1 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[I think I'm gonna be sick!]=- [Sunday, February 8th, 2004
@ 1:34pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

I had the weirdest dream yesterday :
I was laying on my bed, but it seem to be floating in an ocean, the ocean kept telling me "Life" in different tones. I was holding on to a piece of paper that had "SANITY" written on it, it seem to be blowing away, but I held on tight to it, there were tears falling from my eyes too. If anyone think they know what this could maybe mean...feel free to tell me!?

Eugh, I was watching Freddy Vs Jason it's fucking disgusting! Not that I'm squimish when I see blood or anything, But still I watched half of it and decided to come online.

I went to church with Mum today. I was half dead because I stayed up all night, downloading a driver for my scanner because I couldn't find it **rolls eyes**. Anyway me and mum kept talking during service, and dad kept nudging her to stop, which was funny, my mums so cool! =oD
This man comes up to me in church and his like "Wow you've grown since I've seen ya last, getting grown up I see."
I was like uh, okay, mister I was here 2 weeks ago. Crazy shizz.

I absolutely love Linkin Park, they are definately one of my favourite bands. The video for Numb is quite wicked actually. =oD

Just had some lunch... I feel sick now.

Something bit me on my wrist and I swear my whole arm is like red as fook... I can't help it, I have to scratch an itch it drives me crazy otherwise. So I probably spread all the poison all the way up my arm

Last night I was in my room drawing, And I heard this strange clicking sound in the corner of my bed, when I looked it stopped and I saw nothing. It sounds like a clock, but a clock will either keep ticking or it'll stop for once and for all. Its probably some spiders banging each other. So I won't be surprised to find myself half eaten by baby spiders some day.

**sigh** Its Lindsays birthday and all I have for her is a very expensive 15 minute phone call to South Africa. I hooe you have a good one darlin' I miss you and Love you lots and lots.

PS - I'm gonna whack guitar dude for not texting me back, tomorrow.

2 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[I never wanna do the things you do]=- [Friday, February 6th, 2004
@ 10:14pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

Maaan, I'm stuck at home again.Because I'm cool.NOT And you know why? Because all my friends, all they ever wanna do is get high...or get drunk, which sucks!! Because..well it's boring. Well I can't blame them seeing that there's fuckall to do in this shithole. But I mean geez, Lighten up DOOOO other stuff for a change. Every weekend we at someone's house drinking or getting high, Of course I don't do drugs and I hardly drink, but I'm damn sick of it. Every weekend it's like "Duuude, I so totally saw a pink car" and everyone cracks up =o| pathetic! **rolls her eyes**

I need somebody, I need friends REAL friends that I can depend on, that won't use me for whenever it suits them best a friend that won't ditch me whenever things get tough. SOMEONE! be my friend ='(

If I live in this house, for another 2 years, You gonna have to send me to the looney bin! My little brother always causes mayem, and my dad just shit in the toilet and I can smell it from here which is really disgusting, His blind or somewhat 'cause I saw air freshner when I went in there last, If I wanna go wee now, I'd have to wear an oxygen mask for OBVIOUS reasons!! =o|

I'm blocking someone I shouldn't block because people I AM a mean, MEAN, mean little bitch. I'm so going to hell, who's coming with me? =-(

4 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[the mission of happiness]=- [Friday, February 6th, 2004
@ 5:46pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

So its Thursday evening I'm telling my mother that she should give me $20 to top up my phone, so that when I go out tonight and there's an emergency I can call her. 20 minute discussion =|. "Why don't you just take your dad's phone?, His got money on it!"
"But maaa, I wanna take pictures of the hot skaters!" =/
"But it'll be dark anyway"
"nah huh theres gonna be lights and shit"
"okay fine"
So finally we make it to the GX Jam. It was rockin'! Skaters. BMX'ers and Breakdancing and not.
I had a wee, so I quickly went to the loo. I come out of the door and there stands Dylan in front of me. And we greeted each other and then comes Leigh....
"Hi Jade, haven't seen ya in ages" with a smile thats so false I could just slap her =|
"uhm Yeah" ..Leigh was all over Dylan and she's like
"Hey Jade, you see this here is Dylan, Dylan doesn't like to give hugs so I have to STEAL them!"
"Uhm.. yeah I know, We've met once before" I say
"Ah k" says Leigh [die, bitch die!]
"Nah, I've met you more then once" says Dylan.
Lol there was one night that he was very drunk and keep jumping into bushes. And I've opened the door for him once 'cause this used to be his house that we are living in now. And he works at this computer store I went in and bought a modem once so yeah.
Anyway we leave the GX Jam, and now we gotto go back to Ambers place, My mum said I could stay the night. We had to walk...like a 30 minute walk dude =|. And I was already knackered. So we say bye to Dylan, Leigh leaves [YESSSS!]
and we start walking. We get Stacey on the way... we say Hi and then I hear someone call me from across the road, Hey it was Dylan! I hugged him... and he's like
"where you off to hun?"
"walking to Ambers"
"No way" he says
"Yeh man"
"I'll come with then"
I was all like nah nah you don't have to..anyway Dylan insisted so it was all sweet.
Got to Amber's house and I was soooo tired. The bed/couch/sofa thats not a sofa/sofa pretending to be a rock... was so hard, I couldn't sleep.
Before no time its morning and Amber decides to ditch me by going to her Dad who lives 3 hours away so I had to walk home at like 7:50am...in the damn cold. Shit I was so pissed off at her. Anyway I had a shower and went to sleep on my own comfy BED. And yeah, so that was my evening people, not very exciting but hey my life's not too great to be a novel or nothing yeah.
I txted guitar guy but he didn't reply =(...

I guess this is growin up

1 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

[Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
@ 6:37pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


2 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

[Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
@ 5:57pm]
[ mood | excited ]

You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

~take this pain from me

-=[Don't Wanna be Just Like You]=- [Saturday, January 31st, 2004
@ 10:56pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

BLeeDiNg FroM mY EaRs : Hold On by Good Charlotte

My elbow just slipped of the resting arm of this chair. Ouch =|.

School was okay on Thursday, I couldn't wait to get to Music last period 'cause I didn't see my guitar dude all day. So I was quite looking forward to Music. It took like forever to actually get to 2:30pm.

In music I put a cd on with stuff like Blink 182, Good Charlotte, Greenday, New Found Glory, Offspring etc. on. I'm playing it. Still no sight of guitar dude. Then while I was surfing through the songs...someone tapped my shoulder I turn around and there he was. "Is that your cd?"
"uhm...yes." <---fool ie. Me
"cool" he smiled at me... woohoo, That kept me happy for the rest of the day - pathetic, yes I know, you don't have to tell me. How I'm ever gonna get close to this guy, is beyond me =/. If I was pretty, it would really have come in handy...

On Friday I found out that guitar dude is in my history [I know you're thinking "god, can't she shuttup about guitar guy", but...seeing as my life isn't very interesting, and this happens to be my journal, you can just click the cross button on the top right hand of your screen if you want] class! Cause me and my friend Sam were standing outside History class... and we're waiting for the teacher to come. Guitar dude was in front of me... and whenever I looked away he'd stare at me. Whenever I'd stare at him he'd look away.
Whats with that... did I have "Loser" written all over my face? or what? Geez... I could have sworn he was looking at me like " you're a freak " and I looked back " does it look like I give a fuck "
We're gonna have a healthy relationship =oS..psshh [/dreaming]

I went to the fair... it was so much fun, I ate about 10 pkts of candyfloss,and I went on the rollercoaster 5 times in a row [unbewievable shiznic].

Anyway I redid my layout. I quite like it, alot. Don't be afraid to tell me it sucks I won't bite your head off or nothing like that.

This is one hell of a long entry.

~take this pain from me

X.x. Into your hurricane .x.X [Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
@ 5:05pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

First day back at school today. And..... it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be O.o

Omg.. I'm inlove with a guitar guy in my music class, ...someone help me! =|

Playing Blink 182 - Damnit on his spunky PINK electric guitar... I was like "grrr, look at you!" =oP
Hey, maybe I could be his Punk Rock Princess \m/
I wish =/

I need to rock my journal up a bit more, its too "sensitive"
I'll work on it later tonight **nodds**

Everyone can't believe I cut my hair... I was like "yeah yeah get over it, geez, its hair ppl, it grows back" =oS

Talking to Kelly...weeeheee **blows kisses* <3

I'm gonna go buy my stuff for school now.

3 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

x- I need an escape -x [Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
@ 12:14pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I spoke to Davey yesterday, It was really nice, because I haven't spoken to him in such a long time. I did miss him =)

Gahh, school's tomorrow. Why do I hate it so much? Hmmm it could be because most of the people that go to my school are
so up themselves they can't even see straight =|

I bet you tomorrow morning i'll be like "awww ma, do I have to go, pleeeeeease don't make me go...I'm like your daughter, and I'm unhappy at school, Do you want me to be unhappy?"
Ha, it won't work.

Toka just pee'd himself wet. O.o

I had such a great holiday, Why did I have to come back here?


3 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

-=[Sucks To Be Me ]=- [Monday, January 26th, 2004
@ 12:45am]
Whats not okay...

-x- Its my life
-x- Its this place
-x- Its school
-x- Its the night
-x- And the days
-x- When you leave me to cry
-x- When I feel like I want to die

W</b>hat is okay...

-x- Whats left of my friends
-x- Each tear that touches my pillow
-x- When I turn away and move on
-x- When someone dies and I grief on
-x- When I sit in my room and feel the world spin under me
-x- When I step outside and feel free
-x- So I smile and think, you don't really know me

" maybe when the door gets broke down
Love can break in
2 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

xx Here I am xx Beside Myself Again xx [Saturday, January 24th, 2004
@ 2:32pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm talking to Ryan at the moment.
weeeeeeeeeeee... I aint talked to him for ages. -waves- xx

Later I'm going to see a movie called Honey! The shorts looked sooooo wicked. Jessica's kinda hot. =oP

I'm drinking fanta tropical punch at the moment. The pineapple flavour is totally gross. Anyway this is yum. Rishie I agree with you Nescafé is the best coffee brand. Although I like Ricoffee with Creamola.

I'm so bored, beyond bored. I'm thinking of cutting my hair shorter. And dying it red. Probably put more of the feather effect into it. =) that would be cool cool.

School starts on Wednesday. Kidnapp me someone =(


3 ~rain on me.. starsh! ~take this pain from me

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